2003-10-05 - 12:12 p.m.
October 3, 2003
These words are typed from No. 5 Specialized School’s new computers, donated graciously by the United States Agency for International Development (USAID). We have ten computers which are top notch. The remainder of this entry will prove whether the quality equipment leads to a quality production.
My second year as a teacher in Uzbekistan is much different than my first. I imagine that this entire year will be different. For one thing, the first month of school has screamed past me. I teach fewer hours and have more time to be flexible with my work and projects. I came into Peace Corps hardened with reservoir of motivation, thinking that my sacrifice would be brutal but necessary. I think from afar the physical hardship is the focus -straw huts and pails of water. This is far from the facts. Although Uzbekistan lacks amenities, these inconveniences do not really cause me my hardships. Perhaps because I know what I can return to. But, the mental hardships do take shape. And then all the little inconveniences pile onto a battered psyche, and the real sacrifice begins.
I read last night in the first volume of Edmund Morris’s Theodore Roosevelt biography that Teddy’s father always reminded him to be strong of body, and then that would take care of the mind. In Uzbekistan, it is cyclical. For instance, I have nausea 65% of the time. This past week I’ve felt sick to my stomach everyday. After a few days this wears of the mind and then you start to feel sad, frustrated, and bitter at your surroundings. When my health is at its poorest, my mother’s poor cooking is to blame or is pouring fuel onto the fire. However, when I’m feeling fine, her cooking is not so bad and is something to joke about with everyone. Of course my surroundings are partly to blame for some poor health. But, I too am to blame for not taking proper care of my health by preparing proper foods and persistent hygiene.
It is this recognition of what Peace Corps service is about that makes my second year different. Now I know this discomfort will come and I can work through it.
Last year, when I first got to school I saw all that was wrong with it. No materials, no resources and old techniques. I set out with panicking speed to solve all these problems. I remember sitting in our country director’s home for dinner. I was talking with a fellow volunteer about our first month at site. Responding to her comment I said that “I saw service here as a race to get as much done as possible in two years.” Now, I’d like to change that quote to “getting as much done as possible in one year- last year.” With last year behind me this second year will be a change of pace.
Undertaking large projects requires a great emotional investment. When you tell people who have never written a budget that if they write a budget, or someone who has never shopped for equipment to research equipment, and then to wait, you set them and yourself up for a great success or a grand failure- in their eyes at least. Writing a budget is in itself a good step, but with nothing to show for it locals are not amused and confidence is not built. My credibility was being built last year. Kasim and I came through with many projects – water, computers, books, TV/VCR. This work took me to a new sphere of intensity and it beat my body up. However long it took me to realize, and it was slowly, I have realized that taking it slow is also a worthy service style.
I now realize that I can give as much by teaching, teacher training, and being available for discussion. Computers, televisions, and technology are useful but few know how to use them, organize trainings for them, or to share.
So now, instead, I’m starting to see what is right with my school and trying to build upon this. And even if what we build is little and takes a long time I will be proud of its production because it will firm in its standing.
